The Choice

Sean, Brylee and I went for a walk the other day.
By the time we had gotten to the end of the neighborhood, I realize... I have to pee.
Of course, we're as far as we can get from our house AND we have Brylee, so it's going to be a little while. As we're walking back to the house, I keep stopping to take in the sights. The mountains, the clouds that look painted on the sky, and this very unique looking oleander bush.
Maybe it isn't all that unique. It just stood out to me.
I talked about it's uniqueness and said something like, "Sean, isn't this oleander so interesting?" And he said something sarcastic about how uninteresting it is, followed by, "I thought you had to pee?"
And then something happened.
I had been praying for years that I would learn how to experience joy; how to make life slow down. I have been grasping at the months that fly by, and taking way longer than I should to turn the page on my calendar because I feel like I haven't had enough of the month that we were just in. (Because of this, I've missed some birthdays at the beginning of a few months...sorry if you're in that group.)
But in this moment, in this "holy-cow-this-plant-is-amazing" moment, God gives me the answer.
And I start talking. And I'm using my hands a lot.
"I do have to pee, Sean, but...."
...that's way up the road. And I can focus on that end point on getting back to the house so that I can enjoy the rest of my walk with my family, or, I can enjoy my walk with my family back to the house, and then finish our walk and enjoy that part too.

(Warning!! This is about when I JUMP onto my giant soapbox)

...You know, the problem with everyone who is "too busy" and who complain about not knowing where the time is going is that they are too focused on the end and then they miss out on the in between. For years I've been saying, 'As soon as I get through July, it won't be so hectic.' And then I say the same thing in August. And then when December is approaching: 'I just need to get passed Brylee's birthday so I can focus on the things I'm neglecting...' and then before I know it, July flew by, August is gone and I blink and it's time to plan Brylee's next birthday party. I don't know about you, I say to my husband who is ready for me to stop talking taking in all of my profound musings; but I'm tired of saying 'What happened to July??' Like it was 31 minutes instead of 31 days!
(Sidenote: that's 744 hours. 44,640 minutes. 2,678,400 seconds.)
And it's not JULY's fault that it went by so quickly. It's MY fault because I was focused on August.

Remember when we were kids? And weeks felt like months?
The summer before I started 7th grade, I met someone. Her name was Sarah and we became instant BFFs. We hung out all summer, and were inseparable. By the time school started, we were talking like we had known each other for years. We'd recall something that happened in June and then laugh and say 'Oh, wow...that was forever ago.'

Well, gone are those days, right??

I don't buy it. I don't buy that my days will always pass quickly and I will always feel like I didn't squeeze the life out of life.

I believe that if I seek joy in any moment, in any situation, that my days can feel like days. My months can feel like months.

It's going to require deliberately and intentionally being aware. Being present. Thanking God for ALL that I have been given. AND, all that I have not been given. I will choose joy.

So, here is my blog.
I promise that it will be authentic.
I promise to try not to offend anyone. Try.
And I promise that they won't all be this long.
And if they are, I promise to add some pictures so you don't get bored.