Last summer, Sean and I looked at each other and said "You know, Brylee is such a great kid. Having two kids would be easy, don't you think?"
Cue laughter.
I am forever thankful that Brylee can understand what I mean when I ask her to grab something for me and that she is old enough to know the difference between a burp cloth, a bib and a receiving blanket. I shed tears of joy when I am feeding Chase and she goes to the bathroom and can wipe herself. It is so nice that I can ask her what he is doing in the backseat and have her keep his babo (what Brylee dubbed the pacifier) in his mouth while I'm driving. Those things are great aspects of having two, and having them 3 1/2 years apart.
Cut to Friday morning, two weeks ago. A friend is coming over to visit. She calls and suggests that we meet somewhere that the kids can run around. Sounds great to me! I'm just hoping that she doesn't suggest anywhere outside, since my hormones are still wacko and I am not a pretty sweat-er. (I know the hyphen doesn't need to go there but it looked weird when I typed 'pretty sweater') Um, anyways. She says "Hey, how about McDonald's?" Perfect. "How's 11?" Works for us.
We start making a move for the door at 10:40. McDonald's is less than 5 minutes away but I'm no dummy. If we leave with just enough time, Chase will inevitably spit up all over the place or blow out his diaper.
We are in the car by 10:42. On the way to McD's, Brylee says "Mommy, he's blowing out his diaper!" (See, told ya). We get there and I check but he hadn't blown out his diaper. I called my friend to let her know we were there, and partly to verify that I was at the right McDonald's. They're about 5 minutes away. I hang up and then I hear it. The blowout. This time Brylee says, "See, I told ya."
We get up, and head in to the bathroom.
All diaper changing stations are inconveniently located. This one happens to be in a handicap stall, and there is no hangy thing for your purse/diaper bag.
I put the carseat and my diaper bag on the floor.
I pull the changing pad out of the diaper bag and spread it on top of the changing station.
I grab the wipes case and a diaper.
I take Chase out of the carseat. There is indeed poop all up in it.
I lay Chase down on the changing table.
Brylee grabs his head.
"Brylee, please stop touching him right now."
Brylee grabs his arm and pulls.
"Brylee, seriously."
I manage to remove the full-of-poop onesie, only smearing poop up to his shoulders and barely getting any in his hair. And a smidgen on his forehead.
I first address the poop on the child.
Then I wipe the poop from the changing pad.
Then I wipe the poop that got back on the child before I wiped it off the changing pad off the child.
Then I wipe the changing pad once more, making sure all poop particles are gone.
I am holding the child as I do this.
Child spits up, ALL down my back and the side of my arm.
I acknowledge the older one, who is laying on the floor. OF THE BATHROOM.
"Get up. Get up, get up now. That's disgusting. We do not lay down on the floor of the bathroom."
She decides the best way to get up is to hold on to the toilet seat.
I gag.
Her foot slips somehow and her face touches the toilet seat.
I almost puke all over Chase. I guess then we would be even.
Someone walks into the bathroom and goes into the stall right next to us.
"Ok, do NOT touch anything. AT ALL. Nothing. For real."
I'm freaking out. The woman next to us giggles.
I get a clean onesie on Chase.
I bend down to grab a little bag to tie up the diaper and turn around to see Brylee starting to pull the changing pad off the table.
"OH MY GOD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!??"
I jump to grab Chase and keep him from falling headfirst off the table.
"Well I needed to kiss him but I couldn't reach him." (Seriously??)
I pick him up and open the stall door.
He pukes on the front of my shirt.
Friend walks in the bathroom, smiling.
"Do you need help with anything?"
Me, also smiling, "That would just be super."
She takes Brylee, and then takes Chase from me.
"You've got a little..." as she points to the spit up on my shirt and exits the bathroom.
I finish cleaning up, put everything away, wash his carseat out, wash my shirt out and join my friend in the play area.
I realized that Brylee still had God knows how many germs all over her and I smeared hand sanitizer over her whole body, making sure to avoid contact with her eyes. Barely.
My friend and I enjoyed the next almost 2 hours, talking and hanging out while the kids ran off some steam, and I was still happy that I went, despite the bathroom debacle.
Later, as I recapped the story for Sean, we realized that while life with two kids is anything but easy, it's definitely more entertaining. In a make-you-cry-and-hyperventilate-in-public-bathrooms-and-then-laugh-about-it-later kind of way.
